The True Value of Gifting

This time of year can be a joyous time full of family and friends, warmth and love. If you're like me, you might hold a special kind of nostalgia around the holidays. I'm reminded of my childhood and different traditions I have practiced over the years. I think of Christmas-morning coffee cake and/or some version of eggs benedict. I remember ugly-sweater making contests, and of course, opening up presents as soon as humanly possible. 

     It seems with every passing year though, the “magic” of the holidays dims a bit more. You might miss family members you used to celebrate with. There is also the stress of trying to go everywhere and see everyone, not to mention the pressure felt to give something to everyone you expect a gift from, or feeling guilty if you can’t afford to.

     Here is where the third yama, asteya (ah-stay-yah) , comes in. There are 5 yama that together, make up the first limb of the 8-limbs of yoga. Yama means regulation, control, or restraint. The 5 yama, also known as the great vows, form the ethical/moral backbone, of yoga that make each of the following limbs easier to practice. 

     Asteya means non-stealing or not taking from others, meaning we must only accept what is earned or freely given. We can practice asteya every day. Obviously choosing not to steal physical goods from anyone is asteya, but there are other more subtle ways we can think about non-stealing too. For example, in our conversations with others, we can choose not to steal someone's time and voice by not interrupting them. This allows that person’s voice to be heard and considered. 

     Another way we can think about asteya, is in terms of giving and receiving gifts. As Nicolai Bachman says in their book The Path of The Yoga Sutras,

“A gift is different than an exchange. Offering a true gift means there is no expectation of receiving anything in return. … The value of a gift lies in the act of giving itself.”

     So when we give gifts for the holidays, we should think about that act of giving to others as a gift to ourselves. We are sharing something with someone to bring joy, happiness, or maybe a few laughs. Those feelings can be the gift we receive in return.

     On the topic of receiving, we can view that through the lens of asteya as well. Nicolai says “Receiving is giving as well. In many cultures, when food or a gift is offered, acceptance of it is expected and appropriate." I think about various times visiting my family and their insistence on feeding me and slipping me a few dollars just because they wanted to. It made them happy to be able to do it. 

     So, we can accept what is freely given by others when we use our keen discernment, or viveka, to determine if it is an appropriate gift. If it is appropriate, we can express our gratitude and joy and open up our hearts to others in return. I think the true “magic” of the holidays is just that- opening ourselves and our hearts, giving, and allowing ourselves to receive. 

Happy Holidays!

Taylor, RYT, Element Yoga Manager